...will be the safe harbor where you retreat, as you navigate Grief, and as you make your way through this site about Grief.
Yes, our collective conversation on Grief is crucial if we are to understand this most human and raw emotion. And yet, it's hope that will allow us to prevail and embrace life, on the other side of Grief.
It's hope that will fend off the darkness.
Hope can be small.
Knowing each morning, we're going to have that treasured cup of coffee.
Hope can grow.
Knowing we made it through that first month of Grief, so we have hope we will make it through the next.
Maybe, just maybe,...Hope can be visionary.
Knowing in our spirit, that we have life-purpose, and there is a part of us, no matter how small, that is determined to survive.
5 For Fighting. (2003). 100 Years to Live
The Battle for Everything. (Album)
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. (1990).
Somewhere over the Rainbow. Ka 'Ano'i. (Album)
Pachelbel's Canon by Johann Pachelbel.
Meagan Smith. (2022). The Last Prayer. Timeless (Album).
Hope helps you survive
the brutality of loss,
the rawness of grief,
the agony of pain,
the blackness of loneliness.
Hope is the light that allows you
to turn your face forward,
taking your gaze off what was,
to allow for what can be.
I suddenly and brutally lost my best friend, and felt the light drain out of my life, throwing me into bewilderment and pain. As I reflect back on those first few days, I realize how very vulnerable I was, wanting to follow my Beloved into the afterlife. I could no longer see a life-path in front of me. Yet, in those dark days, hope somehow was there.
Hope at the beginning, though fragile, was reflected in beliefs -
I would see my friend, soul-mate again, someday, in heaven
Hope morphed over those first many weeks, as I took small steps forward -
I do have the strength to survive Grief, even though the future is veiled
Hope continued to grow and settled into my being as I started to understand - Grieving and hope honors the love that was shared with my husband;
Hope honors the life that I still have;
Hope honors the youth in my life, that next generation, as I show what survival can look like, in the face of horrible tragedy.
Where there is no hope, it is incumbent on us to invent it.
Albert Camus
The plane ascends through dark clouds until it bursts through the cloud ceiling and you're suddenly emerged in a sapphire sky, awestruck by the golden sunrise in the east.
You, courageous explorer have ventured deep through the work of Grief. And with dried tears, on last legs of Hope, have entered beautiful golden light. With hard won knowledge, you embrace the raw human experience and your soul's new wisdom.
Oh brave traveler. Now breathe and fill your being with that beautiful light. ......And when you revive and feel ready, open your arms and buoy others through their dark paths so that they may find their light.
"I live for this hour
not aeons to come
each morning I swear
I shall not succumb
Let others aspire
to the sun in the sky
I tend my small fire
for fear it should die
I'll make my face stone
to the shadow death's made
to a corner alone
I'll banish that shade
which grows in the night
a tree thick with fear
but my fire leaps with light
all the nights of the year"
quoted
MacSween, R. J. (1973). double shadows. The Antigonish Press
Someone once said to me "to be in a loving relationship, means someone is a witness to your life." This concept of being a witness really resonated, creating a new lens for framing relationships.
I did witness my husband's life, as we walked beside each other, those many years. His highest joys, deepest fears, his successes and struggles. The things he found funny, the things that caused him pain. Yes, his pain - that deep inner hurt, often hidden from a world that can be quick to judge, conditional in application of love. A private hurt we all go through when a situation or words have touched us to our core. I was a witness to my beloved's life with all of these, and he was a witness to mine.
So where is the hope and how does this relate to our life's relationships and witnesses?
Certainly, when I reflected on my horrific loss of life partner, it struck me that the person who was my witness was now gone. My "alone-ness" lay bare. Soon after my husband's death, that realization caused many dark nights of Grief, sobbing, feelings of hopelessness.
Being a witness.
I had to reimagine this concept.
My desire to live, to feel life, depended on my ability to reflect and reimagine "being a witness". I have come to experience many other witnesses to my life, through beautiful souls - friends, family members, even colleagues, neighbors, new acquaintances.
I have transitioned to the view that, yes, I am blessed. I have also, through much reflection, meditation, come to realize there is a continuum to our spirit, and my husband continues to be a witness to my life, as I finish my life journey.
This. This all fills me with Hope.
They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it.
Death cannot kill what never dies.
Nor can spirits ever be divided, that love and live in the same divine principle,
the root and record of their friendship.
If absence be not death, neither is theirs.
Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas;
they live in one another still.
For they must needs be present,
that love and live in that which is omnipresent.
In this divine glass they see face to face;
and their converse if free, as well as pure.
This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal.
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